When You Cannot Stop Thinking
A way through the hour at three in the morning when the mind will not let go.
It is three in the morning and the mind is running. The same argument on its fourth loop, the same dread with its date attached, the same conversation rewritten so that this time you say the right thing. You have told yourself to stop, counted breaths, turned over. It runs on.
Having a thought, and being had by one
A thought arises. That is fine; thoughts arise, and the old masters never asked anyone to empty the mind. What matters is what happens next. The thought arises, and we climb inside it. We take it as a report about reality, follow it into the future or the past, build a second thought on it and a third, and within a few seconds we are living in a story with no exit, in a bed, in the dark.
That is being had by a thought. The thought is not the problem. The climbing in is.
Thoughts are like clouds passing through the sky. They come from nowhere in particular, take shapes, and go. The sky does not fight them and is not damaged by them. Trouble starts when the sky forgets it is the sky and believes it is the cloud.
Look at the thinker
When you notice you have been running for a while, do not try to stop the thoughts. Turn around. The thoughts are about something out there: the money, the person, the appointment. Turn the attention the other way, toward the one who is worrying, and look for it the way you would look for a sound in the dark, patiently, not arguing. What the Fear Is Made Of gives the looking step by step.
Most people, when they actually look, do not find a solid worrier. They find awareness, open and awake, in which the worry is happening. The worry may still be there, but it is now a thing happening in a space rather than a thing you are trapped inside. The cloud is in the sky again.
Whatever arises, in the very moment it arises,
is recognized, and fades by itself, leaving no trace.— Longchenpa
The thought that is climbed into leaves a trace: another loop, another hour, a tired morning. The thought that is looked at simply goes.
The hour
Notice you are running. This may take a while; the loops are absorbing. When you notice, do not scold yourself. Noticing is already a kind of waking up.
Breathe out and rest for one moment in the pause before the next breath comes (the practice). Nothing is being thought in it. Then turn toward the one who was thinking, and rest in whatever you find.
The thought will come back. When it does, that is not failure. Notice, breathe out, look. As many times as needed. Each time the thought is met a little sooner and climbed into a little less. You may fall asleep or you may not. What you will not be doing is spending the hour being had.