Relating with Trauma

It’s normal in the wake of something awful to have flashbacks, disassociation, anger, grief, and so on. That takes time to pass.

Ultimately we get to a place where we neither accept nor reject what has happened to us. Just allowing what arises, not dredging up the past or using it to anticipate the future. Not applying some belief system, not correcting our experience, just finding peace in the turbulence of life and our own nervous system.

In the wake of a terrible event, it's probably best to rely on practices and support systems that immerse us in the present moment, finding our own love and stability in the here-and-now. Belief systems are not nearly so helpful as learning practically how to stabilize and ride the waves of emotions and integration without adding any extra torment like blame, shame, guilt, and so forth.

Trauma related therapies can be generalized into two overall approaches. One is gradually to immerse in the trauma, allowing for some integration and recollection, and providing missing experiences in that context—such as offering the love, support, and protection that was missing at the time of the trauma.

The other major approach is to support immersion and integration in our wholeness, a wholeness that was not destroyed by the trauma but perhaps eclipsed to some degree.

A little bit of the former approach probably helps with not disassociating too much. A bit of the latter helps learn that we are not broken.

For reminders.. remember to be in the present moment.. hopefully nothing hurtful is happening now. Check that out as often as you can, relying on things like warm blankets, baths, nature walks.

You don’t need to feel good about what happened. You also don’t need to feel bad about it. Just allow whatever experiences to arise, allow it to move through, allow it to pass. There is nothing about yourself that needs fixing or correcting. It just takes time to feel and heal.

Trauma is a psychosomatic phenomenon that arises as a result of adverse life experiences. We can think of it as body and nervous system experiences that go beyond the mind. For many people, awakening involves awareness and acceptance/allowance of a body and nervous system with scars.

Many people have had some kind of mental awakening, but total enlightenment includes the body and everything else. There is tremendous sensitivity and awareness involved. So when we meditate it heightens our awareness of the condition of having a body—including our unresolved trauma phenomena.

Much of the work of relating with trauma happens outside the brain, in the body and nervous system. Many of us learn to bypass trauma-related disability by “hanging out” in the mind. But when we really practice dharma we start to lose our hang out spot.

The goal is not to be “perfect” or fixed, but to embrace total awareness of reality—exactly as it appears in this moment—with a brilliant and courageous heart of compassion.